Sunday, March 20, 2011


This entry is weird and long. So if you are not so inclined then move along. Nothing to see here. I wrote this as an entry in my daily journal and it is directed at my daughters.

Dreams and what to make of them? I so very rarely remember any of my dreams anymore that I was positive that I just didn’t have any. For years I always had the most vivid dreams. The majority of them were always frightening as hell. I was forever being chased by some monster (always male and always evil as hell). Most times I had some little child that I was trying to save or protect. Many times I would wake up sobbing and run into my babies rooms as they were sleeping to make sure they were okay. I think deep down my most horrible fear is that someone would hurt one of my children and I wouldn’t be able to protect them. Dreams are weird. I can’t remember ever having any happy ones. Just always this horrifying running from something and trying to save one of my babies.

Well a couple of weeks ago, I had this dream that I can’t get out of my head. It started out as this nice beautifully peaceful day. Everything was green, the sky was blue and I was playing with my granddaughters outside. Something alerted me that danger was coming. I gathered up all the girls, holding tight to all their little hands and dragging them inside to their apartment. We had to run up a bunch of stairs to get inside to their apartment. Something in my mind said that wolves were coming. I never saw any wolves and wouldn’t think that I would be afraid of wolves. Well we had to go up all these stairs to get inside. Each stair was a big wooden deck and they were arranged in a spiral. Holding tight to all three girls we ran up and up. Finally we made it into their apartment. It was a nice place but not where they really live, I had never seen this place before. I started to calm down and the girls were all making fun of scarety cat grandma. I set them up watching TV and began to look around. The first thing I noticed was the patio door was open and the outside deck was rotten and filled with holes big enough for a child to fall through and Gabby was headed right for it. I ran and slammed the door shut and locked it. Well all of you know me well enough to know that I am absolutely scared to death of heights, and the thought that a child might fall, and I wouldn’t be able to save them makes my heart stop. I think you can all remember how tight I used to hold on to your hands anytime we went on any kind of ride that took us up in the air. Then I made them some lunch (spaghettios) and everyone was happily eating and watching cartoons.
As I was walking around the kitchen reading the notes on the refrigerator I turned and there was a long hallway, like the hallway separating apartments on the inside. Walking down this hallway came an elderly lady who said hello and walked on past me. Next came this man. In my dream I realized that he looked familiar but nothing registered. He was in his late forties maybe. He had black hair and cold pitch black eyes. He had pockmarked skin and he was balding but combed his hair over the balding part. He wore a colorful tropical shirt, trousers (the dockers kind) and gym shoes. I immediately sensed danger but my stupid southern courteousness made me say hello. He asked to borrow some paper towels. I said sure and turned to grab some to hand to him. In a flash his hands went around my neck and started to choke me. He was incredibly strong and the more I tried to fight him off, it seemed the more he liked it. I became furious, kicking, twisting trying to break free but he was too strong. I began to sob as I realized that he was going to kill me and then my grandbabies would be at his mercy also. Just as I could feel his hands choking the life out of me, Heidi shook me and woke me up. I woke up scared as hell, and knew that she had saved my life. Now number one, Heidi never wakes me up but this one night she did. Number two, on the news the next day was the story of the BTK murderer and his sentencing. This was the guy in my dream. Now did I just have this guy in my subconscious for some reason, or did his evil persona just float on into my dreams, or did I actually experience one of his victims being murdered? Creepy, eh? I still can’t get this dream out of my mind. It was chilling to say the least and I know that Heidi saved my life. Now how and why did she know to wake me up just at the moment before I would have died?

Well told you this would be long, so no complaining –

I started to do some research on dreams (too scared to look up anything about the BTK murderer, can’t even look at his picture!). I found this place and here is a very good article on dreams. This place is the oldest American organization to conduct psychic research. They are our own real-life “Talamasca”. All you Anne Rice aficionados should be familiar with the Talamasca introduced to us in her novel The Witching Hour
Anyways here is the article and the link to their website is below, a pretty damn interesting place, with loads of old books and dusty secrets. I love it!
Dreams an exceptional Human Experience

Dreams are ordinary only in the sense that everyone has them. What makes them extraordinary and qualifies them as exceptional human experience are the gifts they bring to our lives if we learn how to receive them. I'd like to share with you the way I think about dreams and their importance, and then suggest answers to three questions. What is ordinary about our dreams? That's an easy question. Two, what is extraordinary? That's not so easy. Three, what defines dreams as exceptional human experiences? That's the one I think I'd like to explore with you.
Let me share with you my ideas about dreams, which are not necessarily the prevailing ideas about dreams, because they are outside of the orthodox psychoanalytic tradition. Dreaming and the dream refer to two different, though closely related, events. Dreaming is an intrinsic part of the sleep cycle that recurs every 90 minutes during the night and is associated with distinct psychological changes that signify a state of arousal of the organism. The dream, in contrast to dreaming, is a remembrance in an awake state of whatever it is that we can bring back from the previous night's dreaming experience. These two modes of consciousness resort to two different languages to say different things about the same organism. To understand the dream, we must begin with an understanding of the way the two languages differ and what it is we're saying when we speak the language of the dream. Our two languages appear to have evolved as a way of speaking to each other. read more here on dreams

Dr. Montague Ullman is a psychiatrist and a psychoanalyst internationally renowned for his work with dreams. In 1962 he founded the Dream Laboratory at the Maimonides Medical Center, Brooklyn, New York. In the mid 1970s he resigned as Director of Psychiatry, Director of the Community Mental Health Center, and Director of the Division of Parapsychology and Psychophysics at Maimonides Medical Center to devote himself to dream research and group approaches to dream work. He is a past President of the American Society for Psychical Research, the Parapsychological Association, and the Society of Medical Psychoanalysts. Dr. Ullman is the author of numerous papers on theoretical and clinical studies of dreams and dreaming. He is the author and co-author of several books, including Dream Telepathy (McFarland, 1989), Working With Dreams (J.P. Tarcher, Inc. 1979), co-editor of The Variety of Dream Experience. (Continuum Press, 1987), and co-editor of The Handbook of States of Consciousness (Van Nostrand Reinhold, 1986).
And here is the link:
American Society for
Psychical Research, Inc.
5 West 73rd Street
New York, New York 10023

Sweet dreams all!

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